Back to school

There is nothing that makes you want to send your kids back to school like back-to-school shopping.
They are so excited to go shopping for notebooks and pencils that you think surely taking 4 kids to Target will be a piece of cake. But each kid has a different list and each list is in a different format, so that when you are standing in the midst of the Back-to-School promo center, kiosks full of pencils and protractors (protractors, why are there protractors, nobody needs protractors, where are the erasable pens?!), kids jumping around you "What do I need? What do I need? What do I need?" you can barely keep your thoughts straight.
"You need a 3 2-pocket folders"
"I need 3 folders?"
"No, that was Athena. You need 5."
"O.K. Here's 7 folders."
"No, you only needed 3."
"Oh." 5 minutes pass as they try to figure out which 4 to put back.
"Here's some book socks."
"We don't need book socks. We got them already, remember?"
"What do I need?" Apollo asks this every 3 seconds although all he needs is one folder, baby wipes (in a different section of the store) and a smock.
"Don't you already have a pencil pouch?"
"I don't remember where I put it." Should I buy a new one now, or go home, spend 20 min. trying to find last years pencil pouch, and in all likelihood have to come back and buy another? In goes another pencil pouch.
After 30 min. or so of mayhem, we have a cart full of school supplies but are still missing composition books (really, Target, no composition books?), a particular Casio calculator, plus a 2-subject notebook (really, teachers, 2-subject? note to teachers: notebooks commonly come in 1 subject, 3-subject, and 5-subject. Manufacturers are obviously wary of even numbers.)
So then we have to go to Staples. Which does not make back to school shopping *easy*. The kiosks of supplies are set so close together, you can't maneuver a cart through, and though they have 14 different kinds of composition books, the regular 2-pocket folders are hidden on the bottom of the furthest shelf. (Turns out Athena needed 7 after all.)
Now the kids are bored of this and are twirling in the office chairs while I try to instruct them to pick out soft-covered binders. It takes 3 times to get their attention.
Like a treasure hunt that has gone on too long, we haul our loot to the van listlessly.
We run into the grocery store to grab dinner items--kids stepping on each other's heels and yelling too loudly. We run into a neighbor (with out her kids).
"How're we doing today?" she sings brightly.
"We're ready for the kids to go back to school." I say tiredly.
"Really? I just love having the kids home. I hate sending them back in the fall."
I grind my teeth and smile.