Sharing the Remote Control

After having Brian be gone 5o% to 75% of the time during the last 13 years, I think I can safely say that I can survive without him. I know where the emergency shut off valves are, and how to flip a breaker. I've gone down to dusty, dirty crawl spaces and pulled down attic stairs. I can juggle 4 kids schedules and get the oil in the car changed. I learned to sleep alone in a king-sized bed. I became king of the remote control. I got dinner on the table most nights, but we ate off paper plates to cut down on the dishes. I became the tutor, the disciplinarian, the parent so tired at the end of the day that all I could do was yell from the couch to GO TO BED. And I convinced myself that really, this wasn't so bad. Look how efficient I can be. Look how capable I've become. Look how every weekend becomes a honeymoon, reunited.

Brian has been home now for 2 months, with one overnight trip. I admit that having Brian around more was a huge plus for moving down here. But it was also a huge concern. What if I started taking him for granted? What if he took me for granted? What if we annoyed each other? What if I couldn't share my remote or the bed for longer than 48 hours? What if he came and messed up all my carefully laid parenting plans?

But really, as much as I tried my hardest to be everything, as many soccer games as Brian took the kids to to reconnect, as many phone calls and e-mails that flew across America, I am finding that shouldering the day to day together really does have intangible benefits.

Like, teaching Apollo to ride his bike. Apollo tackles challenges a little at a time. Learning to ride in one weekend session was not going to work with Apollo. But 5 min. here, 15 min. there after work, in a few weeks, Apollo was pumping away.

This is Apollo--estatic

And then, a few weeks ago, Brian heard about Video Games Live, an interactive musical show that played music from video games and had live actors and laser shows, on a ride home from work on the radio. So Tritan dressed up as un-dead Mario, and they went on a Daddy-Son date, right when Tritan was having a particularly bad week and really needed a boost.

Tritan--estatic

But it is the day to day things that have really affected me. I serve dinner on real dishes, and even garnish them sometimes, with the anticipation that someone besides me will find Persian Walnut Chicken or Chicken-Ham Lasagna appetizing. And then, Brian can pick up Athena from dance or run the kids to mutual so I can clean up dinner sometime before 11pm. He picks up items from the store on the way home! He leaves early on R.S. Meeting nights so I can go without feeling guilty about Apollo's half-done math sheet! He builds IKEA furniture in his spare time! He calls me for lunch dates! And most nights, I still have energy to climb the stairs and read Apollo a story before he goes to bed. And if someone has to yell up the stairs for them to GO TO BED...his voice carries a lot more gravitas.

Yes, there is a lot more laundry. And a lot more ironing (why iron when you just have to pack it?)--and there could be a lot more incredulous gratitude for the ironed clothes like--"Oh, my goodness, I can't believe you ironed all my shirts! That must have taken a good hour at least! That's amazing! You did this for me! You are the greatest..."only here he gets choked up at the sight of all those ironed shirts and has to turn away. That could happen more.


But getting kissed every morning. Snuggling every night. I'll take that over earned air-line miles and supreme control over the remote any time. Because I'll never get tired of that.